Be Not Afraid
Monday morning, 5:30 AM, I am wide awake and have been for at least an hour. I turn first one way then another. Okay, get up and start your day Iris Ann. Will today be different or more of the same? Lord, I cannot face today unless I hear your voice. It is getting harder with each day.
I gather my tablet, ear buds, glasses, reading materials, water and head to the sunroom where I have a hideaway.Turning on the ac I go to my rocker, drink a half bottle of water and wait on the Lord.
I am a caregiver to two people. My 95 year old mother-in-law and my 72 year old husband diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 2016. It’s been three years and a steady decline. I wonder how this all happened. I remember when my husband was the leader and I followed keeping order and filling the gaps. Now I’m the decision maker, the driver, the secretary, the shopper, the sitter, the interpreter, the leader...the caregiver. I wasn’t prepared for this. I just woke up one day and a reality check happened.
I have decided to blog, if for no other reason but to have a outlet for my thoughts. Maybe someone else can benefit from this caregiver who is a clay jar set on the shelf for such a day as this. We make plans for retirement like travel, biking, long walks with ones mate, a cup of tea, a glass of coke, sharing ideas, enjoying their status. The brochures about it bring wonderful pictures of happy gray haired men and women laughing with friends and family. However, destiny changes your path and you are chosen to be a caregiver. I didn’t plan for it. I didn’t go to school or study for this profession. Actually, I had plans for our retirement If you are reading this then probably you are one who has been called to care. We have been chosen to be a caregiver, everyday, 365 days a year.
At times I have great faith all will work out but at other times I’m angry, at times sad, at times fearful. Today, I’m fearful. Always pressed to do things right, to say things right, to smile, to be upbeat, to have a right attitude, etc. Lord, I know this is a test but what if I can’t pass this test and I flunk out. This is so huge!
The strangest thing about fear is it’s power. It can paralyze, cause you to act irrational, say things that hurt the ones you love. Fear is not of God for God is love and he brings love to you. I know all this by faith but there are times we experience doubts and fumble. Fear grips our heart. These weakness bring us low. They humble our pride. Here is where I learn I cannot do this alone. I am weak but He is strong. As we learn to lean on God. I’m learning to lean in a way I never dreamed. I thought I was leaning before, but this is a different lean.
As I wait for my comforter a soft voice speaks to me. “Be not afraid, I am with you always...” Your voice is so comforting Lord. There is none like it. I can face my Monday now. Even though I’m made of clay. I lean on your words and hunger for more. Just one soft word from the lover of my soul melts my fears and restores my hope. Dear Lord, if I fumble and break my clay jar today I know you will help me pick up the pieces. I am yours to refine into a chosen vessel fit for your use.
Yes! I take courage and lean a little closer.
I gather my tablet, ear buds, glasses, reading materials, water and head to the sunroom where I have a hideaway.Turning on the ac I go to my rocker, drink a half bottle of water and wait on the Lord.
I am a caregiver to two people. My 95 year old mother-in-law and my 72 year old husband diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease in 2016. It’s been three years and a steady decline. I wonder how this all happened. I remember when my husband was the leader and I followed keeping order and filling the gaps. Now I’m the decision maker, the driver, the secretary, the shopper, the sitter, the interpreter, the leader...the caregiver. I wasn’t prepared for this. I just woke up one day and a reality check happened.
I have decided to blog, if for no other reason but to have a outlet for my thoughts. Maybe someone else can benefit from this caregiver who is a clay jar set on the shelf for such a day as this. We make plans for retirement like travel, biking, long walks with ones mate, a cup of tea, a glass of coke, sharing ideas, enjoying their status. The brochures about it bring wonderful pictures of happy gray haired men and women laughing with friends and family. However, destiny changes your path and you are chosen to be a caregiver. I didn’t plan for it. I didn’t go to school or study for this profession. Actually, I had plans for our retirement If you are reading this then probably you are one who has been called to care. We have been chosen to be a caregiver, everyday, 365 days a year.
At times I have great faith all will work out but at other times I’m angry, at times sad, at times fearful. Today, I’m fearful. Always pressed to do things right, to say things right, to smile, to be upbeat, to have a right attitude, etc. Lord, I know this is a test but what if I can’t pass this test and I flunk out. This is so huge!
The strangest thing about fear is it’s power. It can paralyze, cause you to act irrational, say things that hurt the ones you love. Fear is not of God for God is love and he brings love to you. I know all this by faith but there are times we experience doubts and fumble. Fear grips our heart. These weakness bring us low. They humble our pride. Here is where I learn I cannot do this alone. I am weak but He is strong. As we learn to lean on God. I’m learning to lean in a way I never dreamed. I thought I was leaning before, but this is a different lean.
As I wait for my comforter a soft voice speaks to me. “Be not afraid, I am with you always...” Your voice is so comforting Lord. There is none like it. I can face my Monday now. Even though I’m made of clay. I lean on your words and hunger for more. Just one soft word from the lover of my soul melts my fears and restores my hope. Dear Lord, if I fumble and break my clay jar today I know you will help me pick up the pieces. I am yours to refine into a chosen vessel fit for your use.
Yes! I take courage and lean a little closer.
Deuteronomy 31:6 New International Version (NIV)
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+31%3A6&version=NIV
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